Cloaca Maxima: Nationwide

We haven't even had our inaugural event, and still I'm hoping that Cloaca Maxima spreads like wildfire, through word of mouth and innuendo. I'm hoping that I'll be in Seattle for a conference or something, and I'll see a poster for CM. Or I'll get a haircut in Chicago, and the hairdressers will be gossiping about it. People in Iceland will be hosting their own Cloaca Maxima ... with an Icelandic twist.

This guy knows what I'm talking about

Yes, it'll be the new Fight Club, except without the bodily harm and black eyes.

                             TYLER'S VOICE
                 We've got six Cloaca Maxima events in 

                 Chicago now...

     JACK spins, dropping the phone -- TYLER sits beside him.

                             TYLER
                 Four in Milwaukee.

                             JACK
                 What's this all about, Tyler?

                             TYLER
                 And, we're definitely filling a void
                 in the rural South.

                             JACK
                 Why do people think I'm you?

Or maybe I just want Brad Pitt to be my alter ego. I think that goal might be more reasonable.

Making Friends with Vigilantes

Cloaca Maxima is teaming up with the Vigilante Fit Club, "a fun unique fitness experience that allows you to build the body you want AND make the world a better place by donating 10% of boot camp proceeds to various local and global charities."

If you're looking for opportunities to train before our August 5th event, Vigilante Fit Club creator Damon Valley is holding a Food Bank Boot Camp on Saturday, July 21st from 10:30-11:30am.

"Once a month, the Vigilante Fit Club will hold a Food Bank boot camp at Pan Pacific Park in West Hollywood. The session price is simply a donation of two non-perishable food products (preferably organic and healthy) which will be taken to the local Los Angeles Food Bank."

In other words, help donate to a great cause, and get an amazing workout.

Visit:
Vigilante's Tumblr
Vigilante's Facebook Page

For more information, email:
vigilantefitclub@gmail.com

Evidence of the First "Cloaca Maxima" Games

Placard circa 450 BC. Inscription says something about a fierce competition, trained gladiators, lots of crying, confusion, bloodshed, Phil Keoghan was there, blah blah blah.

Team #1: Prima Nocta

Team Name: Prima Nocta

Team Leader: Teresa
Teammates: Josh, Beth, Randy

3 Unique Team Skills:
   1. Ample appetites
   2. A way with words
   3. A working knowledge of goblin lore

Team Member most likely to feign an ankle sprain:
Beth

Biggest competition?
Bai Ling. Only some of us see Krang as competition.

FAQs Answered

To those of you who have eagerly emailed and reserved your space in the competition -- thank you!! Your enthusiasm is contagious. Below is a list of Frequently Asked Questions... and our cryptic answers to those questions.

CLOACA MAXIMA: FAQ
So, like, what is this again? I don't get it.
Great! That's kind of the idea. I mean, hopefully you read the Memorandum post. If not, scroll down and read it below. And we have no intention of telling you anything beyond that. At least for right now.

Okay, I read it - I still don't get it. Should I do it?
Yes! Jump into the unknown! We promise... there will be nothing dangerous or life-threatening about this competition (Joanna has already rejected my real-life Hungry Hungry Hippos tableau challenge idea), and at the very least, you're going to have the Maxima amount of fun possible on a Sunday morning/afternoon/time TBA.

And you guys are organizing this or something?
That's right. Joanna and I are not participating -- we're merely the creators/organizers/hosts of this brand-spanking new event (not affiliated with any other LA race-like event) that was born from our twisted minds and our love of The Amazing Race, Minute to Win It, Supermarket Sweep (Brian's favorite) and the best of reality/game show television. We're here to answer any questions you may have, and we'll be there on the day-of, giving out the challenges as you struggle to complete them.

What should I do right now?
Glad you asked! (1) Clear August 5th in your calendar, (2) form a team of 3-4 persons ASAP, and (3) email/call/text/comment ont this here blog to let us know that you're participating!! That last part is super important. Once we've guaranteed at least 10 teams for the event, we'll begin accepting payments from all competitors.

Oh, right, the payment thing. What's that?
It's $10 per competitor, not per team (and $12 after July 15th). On July 1st, we'll be sending out PayPal invoices to all confirmed players unless you prefer to pay by cash or check. And remember -- once all expenses are covered, any remaining funds will go straight to Save Our Boy, our favorite and a most deserving charity.

Can my kids compete with us?
I don't know -- CAN THEY? Are they savage, trophy-hungry rascals who will do anything to succeed? Absolutely!! Or are they more laid back, TV-hungry couch crashers who will do anything for a Klondike Bar? That's fine too! Children ages 10 and up are more than welcome to join in the fun. If you have a specific question about this, email us at cloacamaxima2012@gmail.com.

Anything I can do... ASIDE from forming a team and confirming my attendance?
YES! Since this is our first year putting Cloaca Maxima together, we would very much appreciate it if you could get your adventure-seeking friends and families involved. Spread the word on all your social media portals. The more the merrier. Don't be afraid of competition!! You can also join our Facebook page and invite others to participate.

Hope to see you there!

A Memorandum

To: Bloodthirsty Competitors
From: Brian & Joanna
Priority: Highest
Date: 5/30/2012
Re: CLOACA MAXIMA

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It's impossible to qualify it really, but let's try. It's 25% Amazing Race, 15% Minute to Win It, 5% Scavenger Hunt, 3% Greco-Roman Wrestling, 1% Short Essay Response, 51% Crying. Yes, more than half of you will cry at some point.

Together, Joanna and I will be creating and hosting a city-wide race that will require you to run, crawl, drive, research, unearth, undress, decode, beg, barter, and be better (and faster) than everyone else. It won't be like anything you're imagining it's going to be. It will be so much more.

Here is all the information you need at this time:

DATE the race will take place on Sunday, August 5th (mark your calendars)
TIME tba
LOCATION greater los angeles/reception tba
TEAMS 3 to 4 individuals, no more, no less (yes, you are responsible for putting together your own team)
EARLYBIRD ADMISSION FEE $10 per person/$12 after July 15
PRIZES tba

Admission fee gets you several hours of exquisite joy and exceptional pain ... plus food and beverages. Entry fees cover race and reception expenses. Any remaining funds will go directly to charity, namely Save Our Boy.

So begin thinking about your team. What skills are you lacking, which will you need, and who among you has them? Build a team (invite people we don't know; we don't mind), give yourselves a team name, and pay the entry fee via cash, check or PayPal by 7/15. (You can email us to set up payment.) Train as you see fit, and arrive on August 5th, prepared to battle ... and laugh your asses off.

COMPETITORS WANTED.

Introducing: Cloaca Maxima